Mind

Mind, my mind, your mind, whose mind
am I trying to grope it
mind my mind where did it go
mind your mind why doesn't it let me
empty this emptiness shrouds my awareness
its preying on my misery, i don't want to succumb
mind my mind I question my sanctity
you its you whose robbed me of it
or is it you yes sir you standing there judging me
shadows yes I see shadows walking in the dark stairways of my mind


struggle, I struggle with keeping my mind calm
rouses, why does it get so roused
is it you ,yes you who took away my peace
me or is it me who doesn't give it a rest.

mind your mind what are you thinking about me
cringe, I cringe thinking of all the things you would say
absurd, is what I define myself at times
time, my mind is eluding it away

stir, feelings stir
heady,

in the throes of vulnerability,
i feel the will ebbing away
i look in the deep whirlpool of emotions
the mess that it leaves behind\
robs me of my peace
robs me of sanctity
and i feel exhuasted
i look for an outlet, a saviuor
who pulss me from this abyss
but ive been waiting for too long
and the will is ebbing away

the woods have been barren for too long
the leaves have left  their branches
i can't find my way back home
i seem to have lost my way back to myself

every time you pull yourself back up
you think thats the last time
life has you fooled that there are endless possibilities
that you fall only once
that theres something to be looked forward to
but till when can you wait

trap ,trap is what you do to hide from the world



i want to follow the ifs and the buts
lie on my back and frivolously dream
of a time yet to come and a person yet to be...

its where the moist wind and the cloudes, the horizon and the sunshine merge
its when my soul is freed from bodily restrictions
where energies collide and give rise to wistfulness

I want to stand under the sky and feel my insignificance
i want to look the ocean in the eye and feel myself shrink
ist like we complicate it much.
circle uncircle the possibilities in my head

Count all the stars that light up the night sky
not worry about the sun about to rise
wallow in the space that i occupy
scribble mess up the tidy sands on the beach
unmake my hair and let them flow with the breeze
is this what happiness is to me?

whisper into the emptiness of the night sky
listen to the breeze take me words away
far into the empty horizon that the sun has to fill
stuck in the continuum between being heard and unheard

dream about places yet to see
have conversations with people yet to meet
travel through the 40s straight to the 90s

Abditory

The heart feels brimmed
brimmed to the surface of my soul
of words, feelings and musings that I cannot let go
this ache that resides inside
of battles lost and forgotten
spills over the brink and dampens my soul

I seek a place where I long to disappear
to unburden my mind
And rest my soul
I conjure the deepest of woods
a sanctuary that I call my own
to loose myself in this abditory
and purge my soul

The sand renders my footsteps untraceable

the wind diffuses my scent

the night cloaks my silhouette

And I walk till living becomes obscure

I scamper through the woods

edging away from consciousness

There are holes in my feathery coat
the pines hurt my feet

the wind blows hard
but my heart flutters with glee
I see that lone street light
that i had first met down this muddy trail 

memory resurrects the frail remnants of that cold wintery night

when I finally found myself
familiarity warmly engulfs me

I feel I have come back home

I sit confounded at how words brim to the surface of my soul
they stir up these funny feelings
of sorrows, of delights and the whereabouts of life
Its down this trail I come again and again

where I've trapped pieces of me 

to relive those moments imprisoned in time

in these locked up diaries of hidden trails
of dampened hearts and trampled bushes
written under dimmed lights
with muted sighs and perpetuated silences
lies a person I know
a person that comforts me
a person that reminds me of me
I have not learned to express
without a pen and paper
And hence I return to this carefully camouflaged version of myself
to preserve yet another moment in time

This is my abditory, 

This is where I can be myself again...

Waiting for you

This house is vacant again
its laying in wait to hear your footsteps
longing to hear the sound of your giggles
waddling away time to draw the time of your homecoming

Somewhere from the shadows my melancholic person emerges
"hello there, hadn't seen you for a while"
i feel an urge to hold a piece of paper
and write of how you make me smile

The chair next to me still has your impressions
your cup still sits on the table
your eyes haven't left me yet
And i sit reminiscing this morning that I spent with you

They say i'm a loner, they say i solicit my own company
but now that you've come
my soul recognises you as it does me
It know you as an extension of my own person

I know the reason behind the creases under your eyes
I know that night why you sighed
I've seen you lost in thought through the corners of my eye
I've seen you hide so much under that smile
Through all that and more, you've loved me all this while

I know our routine of doing stupid things
just to hear each others laughter echo
I know how we go out for each other
and how we wait to see one another everyday

We live in our own cocoon, the world that we've made for ourselves
where our thoughts stay aloft
we talk, we laugh, we ruminate in each others silences
how we dream, of a life yet to come
and how we cherish the life we have had so far

Now i'm left with half of myself while you ve taken my thoughts away with you
Its hard to watch you go away,
Even if it is for a few days
As it takes a whole side of me
All i'm left with is a long wait
waiting like this house of your footsteps to return...

Forgiveness

They say the truth can set you free...
they say the burdens are lifted
the anger sorrow and grief evaporates
there is a version of truth that you carry along
and you make it yours
to feed in denial that you've carried for oh so long
it shackles the anger, the deep seated misery
doesn't release, doesn't cease
And you think you have all the answers
still u feel a tiny nudger ,that tethers your conscience
curbing ur peace of mind

Suddenly when the truth dawns
and when it finally confronts you
the naked bitter truth
under the throes of piercing reality
the harsh cold wave of introspection
and it whispers it was never you , it was always me
even when it casts a light on your chastity
i feel relieved , feel free
the undenying fact stands next to you
to make you realise how you based your life
on the false self victimising version of the truth
of how much time you wasted in the anger , the hatred
of how you made every decision under this guarded truth
it feels futile to have gone through so much
had you ever put urself out in the light
the heart break would have been easier
had i not shunned away from the light...

but now I feel free, head feels lighter
ive been through hell and back a million times
but this time , i can finally breathe
the one heavy veil of darkness lifted from me
the epiphany lifted me from the darkest corners in my heart
And I found it in my heart to finally forgive you,
I finally found a way to forget you.

Megha



"Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you."
David Whyte

a call for a new life....

the wind gushes..
rain hits hard on the floor
mind rushes..
leaving no place to explode

grey skies , leafless trees
a hard heart, a pair of rough feet
nothing hampers my speed
i keep going , i keep going

familiar faces keep waning
the streets become secluded
its time its time
its time to head home
its time to leave.

there is a new life
that waits for me
and its calling out to me
i need to leave this hive
to set this part of me free

My stairway to heaven

And I asked life " what is it that you want from me?"
with furrowed brows, palliated soul and sore feet
I have walked and walked in search of novelties
in search of my silver lining

living my life from one moment to the other
those brief fulfilling moments
this one moment catches my attention
walking in the milieu of happy spirited souls
the melodies humbly letting the atmosphere overpower
I ruminate fondly over the remnants of these moments
I sit dazed at the lessons you so often give,
and i chose to ignore

this memory stays imprinted in my mind
the thought of it evokes a resonating feeling
i stay riveted to the sight
a bunch of balloons cascading in the air
the wind swirls and twirls
even when the wind gushes and rushes
the steadiness in the flow never impedes never recedes..
its as if nothing can upset the motive of these pack of balloons
they rise, they fade, still stay rooted to its anchor ,
standing vibrantly amidst a set of oblivious eyes

my time freezes, my moment comes to the fore
I stay bewitched by these inanimate objects
the steadiness, the stability builds an anchor inside of me
I never want to let go of the feeling
they move together, they stay put together
even on that treacherous road

this is my personal christmas
my life lies in the colours around me
the happy faces, the laughter
the mellifluous melody entwined with the air
letting me soak the magic in this place
and i ponder
life is so precious, its opened a multitude of dimensions infront of me
and i choose and wander on the path closest to me
the path that surprises me, challenges me, keeps me excited about going forward

This is a solemn oath to myself
my anthem i choose to follow
I shall continue to find the beauty in life wherever i go,
because the journey is worth a thousand destinations
that my sore feet would cherish forever
because its my journey
my life, that i made for myself
my silver lining is for me to see how far i've come
my soul , that tells me to keep going
miles to go before I sleep
miles to explore before another journey calls out to me.

My anchor

I suddenly opened my eyes and saw you
staring at the book you hold
the rays shining the little creases on your forehead
how idyllic is life right now?

I silently watch as you flip that page
averting eyes, flitting mind
ragged breathing, hued concentration
my world feels alive

I drive out on the street
the same sun kissing my skin
that just left your creaseless forehead
filling the dark voids in my memory
with pictures of you, smiling unconsciously

i hold this world of mine close to my heart
in a place that i protect
i make my own truth , i make my own life
when happiness awakens
I choose to shy away from darkness
i live in the ephemeral moment, that is so mine

walking under a grey sky
in a soulless city,
with auburn coloured leaves flying recklessly in the turbulent wind
looking for an anchor
looking for a place where they can rest their runned down souls
looking for perceptions that could see the life left within

I have fluttered for a long time
shifting my anchors through the inner turmoil
manoeuvring my inhibitions, gauging my intuitions
seeking my soul
but its time , time to hold on to the last anchor
till the turbulence subsides
till the perception becomes fixed
and i become riveted to it, for life.