Abditory

The heart feels brimmed
brimmed to the surface of my soul
of words, feelings and musings that I cannot let go
this ache that resides inside
of battles lost and forgotten
spills over the brink and dampens my soul

I seek a place where I long to disappear
to unburden my mind
And rest my soul
I conjure the deepest of woods
a sanctuary that I call my own
to loose myself in this abditory
and purge my soul

The sand renders my footsteps untraceable

the wind diffuses my scent

the night cloaks my silhouette

And I walk till living becomes obscure

I scamper through the woods

edging away from consciousness

There are holes in my feathery coat
the pines hurt my feet

the wind blows hard
but my heart flutters with glee
I see that lone street light
that i had first met down this muddy trail 

memory resurrects the frail remnants of that cold wintery night

when I finally found myself
familiarity warmly engulfs me

I feel I have come back home

I sit confounded at how words brim to the surface of my soul
they stir up these funny feelings
of sorrows, of delights and the whereabouts of life
Its down this trail I come again and again

where I've trapped pieces of me 

to relive those moments imprisoned in time

in these locked up diaries of hidden trails
of dampened hearts and trampled bushes
written under dimmed lights
with muted sighs and perpetuated silences
lies a person I know
a person that comforts me
a person that reminds me of me
I have not learned to express
without a pen and paper
And hence I return to this carefully camouflaged version of myself
to preserve yet another moment in time

This is my abditory, 

This is where I can be myself again...

Waiting for you

This house is vacant again
its laying in wait to hear your footsteps
longing to hear the sound of your giggles
waddling away time to draw the time of your homecoming

Somewhere from the shadows my melancholic person emerges
"hello there, hadn't seen you for a while"
i feel an urge to hold a piece of paper
and write of how you make me smile

The chair next to me still has your impressions
your cup still sits on the table
your eyes haven't left me yet
And i sit reminiscing this morning that I spent with you

They say i'm a loner, they say i solicit my own company
but now that you've come
my soul recognises you as it does me
It know you as an extension of my own person

I know the reason behind the creases under your eyes
I know that night why you sighed
I've seen you lost in thought through the corners of my eye
I've seen you hide so much under that smile
Through all that and more, you've loved me all this while

I know our routine of doing stupid things
just to hear each others laughter echo
I know how we go out for each other
and how we wait to see one another everyday

We live in our own cocoon, the world that we've made for ourselves
where our thoughts stay aloft
we talk, we laugh, we ruminate in each others silences
how we dream, of a life yet to come
and how we cherish the life we have had so far

Now i'm left with half of myself while you ve taken my thoughts away with you
Its hard to watch you go away,
Even if it is for a few days
As it takes a whole side of me
All i'm left with is a long wait
waiting like this house of your footsteps to return...

Forgiveness

They say the truth can set you free...
they say the burdens are lifted
the anger sorrow and grief evaporates
there is a version of truth that you carry along
and you make it yours
to feed in denial that you've carried for oh so long
it shackles the anger, the deep seated misery
doesn't release, doesn't cease
And you think you have all the answers
still u feel a tiny nudger ,that tethers your conscience
curbing ur peace of mind

Suddenly when the truth dawns
and when it finally confronts you
the naked bitter truth
under the throes of piercing reality
the harsh cold wave of introspection
and it whispers it was never you , it was always me
even when it casts a light on your chastity
i feel relieved , feel free
the undenying fact stands next to you
to make you realise how you based your life
on the false self victimising version of the truth
of how much time you wasted in the anger , the hatred
of how you made every decision under this guarded truth
it feels futile to have gone through so much
had you ever put urself out in the light
the heart break would have been easier
had i not shunned away from the light...

but now I feel free, head feels lighter
ive been through hell and back a million times
but this time , i can finally breathe
the one heavy veil of darkness lifted from me
the epiphany lifted me from the darkest corners in my heart
And I found it in my heart to finally forgive you,
I finally found a way to forget you.

Megha



"Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you."
David Whyte