Words

Words, have been the quintessence of my existence

have been the force behind my actions

have been a voice to my emotions

have turned my life into a living symphony

I loose myself to be found in my words

the semblance of letters patch my soul together

thread by thread, stitch by stitch

underneath the unadorned display of my soul

I find a glimpse of the real me

I sat here in silence glancing through my poems

I let the words swallow me,

consume me, char my spirit

under the layers of perception 

behind the veils of these frail moments

I often find what I truly yearn for

You search out in life

travel distances, solicit the company of strangers 

to ask the truth behind life 

the meaning, the calling

never knowing, never acknowledging 

that the truth lies somewhere within you

and when these words stare at you 

you realize it should always have been this way

there are a million emotions raging

half of which cannot be described by words

still I implore their company

there is a little bit of me in all these words

sometimes jovial, sometimes sinister, 

sometimes frivolous, sometimes melancholic

seasons come and gone

makes the obscure nuances between them starker

the impact on my life, sometimes waxes and wanes 

but they would always allow me into their shell

to seek me from my core

there is a little bit of me in the tenor of each of these words

there is a lot left of me, to describe in words some more

Fleeting musings

Come walk with me

into the morning sun

where the dew drops, matted over the green canvas

palliate our roughened souls

Come stay with me

through day in and night

I didn't ask for a love sonnet

I didn't ask for a flowery bed

just stay,

till all the insecurities wash away

come hold my hand

firmly, steadily

hold me through that traitorous road

I can make it through on my own

but I just want to know, you were right behind

Look into my eyes deeply

and let me see that you understand my soul

for I want you to know me

in those moments when I don't know myself

Be kind to me, as I have been to you

I have a soft soul behind those high gates

I let you in,

I let you see all the vulnerabilities in me

Let me breathe in the space I gave you, peacefully

Lie with me, in the moment that is so mine

on lonely meadows, perched atop an undulated topography

under that solitary tree,

revelling in the sun's filtered rays

in the wind that mixes your scent with my headiness

yes, my moment, this moment

that is so ephemeral that it shall last forever

as the sun bids adieu, so shall you

today,  tomorrow or somewhere in the receding horizon

i shall be happy enough

to capture a bit of your soul

I will keep it between my wistful sheets

in longing memory of what

it could have been.

To my grandfather ...

I watched you every morning

when you dressed,

when you exercised, when you met people

when you worked day in and day out

I saw what your work meant to you

I saw how your people revered you

Despite the adulation, you were humble and unyielding

I was in awe with you then , I am even now

I was 5, and you were an important man.

I wish I had known you as my grandfather,

I wish you had time 

in the some moments that you were there

I wish I was not that shy.

I grew up looking upto you

with every obstacle I ever faced in life

with every condescending look, with every demeaning word every said

I thought of you, 

of your strength to face a nation

of your conviction of your work

of your will to fight back

that made me go on

that has defined who I am today

With every challenge I would say

my grandfather did it, so will I.

People say I have a lot of strength

I'm a maverick, I'm bold

people say I have the courage to go off the beaten track

I have always known where that came from

from the life you've led 

from the person you are

I never wanted to let you down 

and hence , I carried on 

I always, always braved the storm.

People follow inspirational figures

people they have never known

I never had to look far 

because I always had you

You were always proud of me

I just wanted to make you even prouder 

and hence I worked and worked, 

and the day I found my salvation was 

when you said " I see myself in you".

Endlessly, the world has shackled you

the world has been unfair 

you have been unfair to a lot of people

you've lost a lot, gained very less in life 

but its that man in you who still holds onto life

holds onto his true self

holds on to his core strength

has always amazed me

I have never met another being like yourself

On occasions you have looked past me

on occasions I probably didn't matter

but despite of everything grand dad

you have been my defining force in life

and I know, you have never known that

I may never tell you this 

but I love you every bit

I've always drawn strength from you 

I have never seen you falter

that is the memory I wish to keep forever.

No matter what happens next or 

what people say 

how people perceive you 

or how they try to dissect your life in my eyes

the memory of you, your life, your courage, your strength 

are etched in my mind forever

that is my own personal stash of strength

You may never know how much you have made me

but I'd like you to know 

that you're my grand father first

and the rest doesn't matter at all.

With whatever life would hit me 

I know I will face it 

because I have your blood running in my veins

because I am Your grand daughter.

  

Looking back to see how far i've come ..

                                                       Connecting dots in retrospect

or dots connecting by themselves ...

am i leading my time

or is time leading me

slowly and steadily i uncover the hidden path

wondering where it shall lead

or where I lead it eventually

the clock ticks by
time rides on tides
sometimes washing ashore, breaking into my conscious
sometimes leaving my space
letting me live in my moments
times been an ally, i knew not
it passed by on occasions
on occasions it just stood still
witnessing silently , my emotions flow

theres a smile lingering at the back of my mind
the memory of it dangles in the air 
suffuses me with renewed freshness
it half reaches my lips
it half fades away with the memory of it
I willingly succumb to my self-effacing mind 


In the midst of the melody of  synchronised unsavoury voices
my heart plays an irregular tune 
my eyes look skyward
my ears turn within 
I keep trying to discern 
the inexplicable stirring happening within me
i try to wrap my head around what it could possibly be
but I guess
the heart has its reasons, that reasons know not.

I feel heady today , my heart knows why 
the air is intoxicating and the clouds are shy
I'm at the threshold of the reason of my very existence 
I've worked all my life
to achieve that picture of me 
in the heart of hearts
this mental picture never got lost, in the seasons come and gone
no one can ever take that away from me
because I have become, I have come into my being

I've been searching all my life for that place I've longed for
my realm , my universe
it is ready besides me today, to set me free
the breeze blows through my hair
whispers gently in my ear , 
'you're here, you're finally here'

And now, I follow the path covered with shrubs of uncertainty
a thorn here, a flower there
this is how I chose life to be
drenched with ambiguity, excitement and with heart wrenching beauty
for the journey I chose , and the journey I led so far
has always made every step worth it
I have to keep going on
to be true to myself
to uncover what is left to be uncovered
to see what is left to be seen
to find, what is left of me. 

I will forever be very unapologetically me!

A word, a glance, those suggestive eyes
I know what you think
I know what you mean
I've seen my share of life
i've struggled, i failed i succeeded
i made something of me
which you cannot see
so you cant take it from me

I'm a woman, I might look frail
but i'm as hard as a nut
you can't break into me
you can't break me down
I have an indomitable spirit
its never let me down

I'm smart , i'm pretty ,
I rejoice in being me
and I have every right to be
I am nothing but a less than perfect image of myself
I won't demean, I won't debase myself
to make you feel empowered
I am and will forever be
very unapologetically me

it is my prerogative
to live , to breathe in the air I choose to
to not be a slave to your thoughts, your desires
my mind cannot be manoeuvred, or led astray
And if I don't give in
you better go the other way

you punish me
you bring me to the ground
I will only get back up each time
because I never learnt to give up
you will never get the best of me

my morals, my ideals , my values, my being
are very well defined
you can't sway me in either way
because I walk my own path
i reign on my own mind

This is not the end that you see of me
I have an unyielding spirit
an indelible mind
Its not over till I don't say it
It's not over till I don't win.

Glimpse into one of my nights...

Lone rangers of the sleepless nights
what keeps you up?
is it love and happiness
or worry and anxiety
or chasing the helms of an implausible dream?
or webbing plans along the maze called life

lone rangers of the sleepless nights
what is that you protect?
in the shrouded darkness from watchful eyes
a desire?
a sacred wish?
a hidden treasure?
a coveted life?
does it enrapture your soul?
does it make your daily living obscure?

Lone rangers of these sleepless nights
do you surrender your walls to the throes of vulnerability
or do you let go off the egoistic pretence
and submit to fearless introspection

What is it that you fear?
what is it that you hold so dear?
that is revealed in the fervent throngs of these solitary nights

Lone rangers of these soulful nights
what music does your night play
do the leaves rustle merrily by your window
after  a treacherous rainy day

do you dig deep or do you let it be
do your memories encapsulate you as the night unwinds
or does your mind take you to places u hardly would find
do you yearn for unfulfilled wishes
or do you soar the unrestricted blue skies
do you bask in the uncertainty of the ceaselessly advancing time

it is in these moments
that life comes into being
the world slows down
and the pace is subliminal
when you wrap your head around yourself
you encounter you dimly under the lights of the shadowy lamps
when there is nowhere to look without
but just to seek within
the answers, the solace,  the agony, the peace
wait for you to decide the flavour of this night
lone rangers of these sleepless nights
which road are you going down tonight?

An ode to the women I see

She flies with her own wings
    her life is her song
her scruples, the objections in her path
    her leisure, her bed of fantasies

her world, her perception from her eyes
    her heart, a mirror of her unsung desires
her mind, a pool of its afflictions and aspirations
    her spirit, unencumbered
her essence immortalised in time

she falls , she rises, she braves the tide
   but sometimes, yet sometimes
she frees herself and rides home on the tides

her stoic semblance bottles up the tumultuous emotions
   raging her interiors, eroding her stability
its human, its only human to feel this way
   she gives in
sometimes frugally, sometimes unsparingly
   but she knows well, when time comes
to take her possessions back

there is a little satchel she carries
   where she keeps her little bundles of joy
her own space, her own prerogative before time
   she keeps it hidden
hidden in those moments of self-torn desire
   hidden between moments
of loosing and finding yourself
   between rationality and irrationality
between sighing and breathing
   between the dawn and the early morn
in all those seconds spent in vulnerable thought

and before the twilight ends
   before it takes back the little tufts like clouds soaked with serene lusciousness
before dawn breaks into her sub conscious
   she wraps her little joys, and puts them away, shielded
under her cotton sheets of wistful chimeras
   she walks through her day customarily
a smile here, an empathetic shrug there
   but in her heart
she longs to surround herself in
   her private possessions- her memories, her desires, her moments, her soul
to relive those treasured silent memories of unrequited dreams

I'm amazed by the soul in front of me
   always hiding behind the shadows of a half-revealed self
hoping someday someone would see
   see through the unseen, see through the disguised impersonation of herself
I'm amazed how unsparingly people disregard her delicate soul
   but she still does
she still walks on the unknown roads
   trying to find her own way
in the milieu of dogmatic voices
   she believes in singing her own song
because she flies, she flies with her own wings ....

 

delicious ambiguity, alluring anonymity

Delicious ambiguity, why does it entice me
why does it draw me
is it an escape from a tireless regime
or an escape from or to reality?

in the potently static reality
the staleness in the air makes my mind numb
i adapt to my peripheral surrounding
i accept this delusion as my reality
till the time i need to break the mould
to reclaim my lost mind
to have my own free reign over my self
without my mind impeding
without the hidden armour going up
and then i see , then i see how delusive i have been....

the hum-drum of dialy activites
reverberate in my mind
it confines me to think and react and behave in only certain acceptable ways
and now i cant discern whether which part is really me
and which part is the facade i adopt to keep up with the pace of this mundane life..

And then I need to break free from the ceaselessly ongoing regime
when i no longer can be a subject to routine
so i set on a journey , as it calls for me
hoping to reclaim my lost soul

when i view the world from a third perspective
it is the moment that i view myself from a third perspective
there is some pleasure in getting lost
in loosing urself tll u find urself
there is some peace in walking in a crowd
when ur not under a constant radar
you take a step back, back from life
and see
see the people, the faces walking by
when nobody observes you
and u see the faces
u recognise a few, some confound u
ur cloaked in a shroud of naked invisibility
yes there is pleasure in anonymity
is that y i travel?

the uncertainty of the new place, whiskes away all ur defenses
u fulfill your desire to see the end of all world
explore endlessly changing horizons
see a different rising and a different setting sun
freedom form the current regime
its like breathing again
makes u feel formless, invincible
without any boundaries
ur thoughts can explore any deep seated notions
ur thoughts can uproot any fixed conception
your views can move beyond your peripheral subconcious
your eyes can perceive greater than they can visually see
u feel a change happening within thee
u mould ur mind according to ur renewed perception
u evaluate ur biased values
u imbibe the air , the feeling , the culture of the new place
there is such pleasure in anonymity and more
it opens possibilities of existence
like you can exist in more forms than one
u can romantize life in new forms
there is some pleasure in delaying and acting
the moment in between relaxes you
it swells the ignorance of the unknown future
makes u believe ur in control of the moment

there is pleasure between loosing ur senses and regaining control
in holding and letting go
in confessing and repressing
as it opens several possibilities
probably even more than those that exist
feels like
the pleasure between winter and spring
of hope, of faith of letting go
i summon the ignorance to the fore
i summon the hope to the fore
there is beauty, utter peace and delight
in not getting to know
of flowing with life
of not questioning back
and letting life take total control
and numbing ur mind

delicious ambiguity
alluring anonymity
why do they mesmerise me?

ignorance is subject to obliviousness ..

sometimes, i do entertain certain thoughts
i play around a bunch of ideas
why?
becuase the mind is the most intriguing thing
even if its rightfully urs
it never obeys u
it never succumbs to you
it plays tricks on u
it can take you to the highest highs
and the lowest lows
and you think that u can master it
you leave no room for uncertainty
to reign full control over your mind
and just in the moments you think hard
to decipher your own motives
reasons,excuses
ur astounded by the facts you uncover
because even if they were hidden inside of you
u were oblivious to it
maybe the world saw it
maybe it didnt
maybe u burried it deep inside
but the mind never forgets
is it then ur biggest foe or your strangest ally
the walls u build around you
is it to shield urself from the world or shield urself from ur mind?

the little reassurances that you need...

In the milieu of the ongoing conundrum,
the racket, and the pandemonium
i looked back at life for reassurance
and life beckoned me

and when i reached the cross roads yet again
when the past seems dear and the future seems befuddled
and when taking a step ahead or back
is moving away from the other
I looked back at life for reassurance
and life beckoned me

when the glorious years, and times spent with loved ones end
when you realize that besides that suitcase, you have no perpetual friend
the heart singes when a change is realised
I looked back at life for reassurance
and life beckoned me

life said ...
there is yet another blue sky
there is yet another less travelled path to be explored
you loved, you lost, you sang, you drowned
but you told courage not to be shy
and hence , I showed you me, I showed you different facets of life

I shall see you once more
this is not the end my sweet one
it is the beginning of the beginnings to be foretold
and when you silently prayed for amazement to titillate
I opened a lot more doors

I showed you the bluest skies
the inconceivable abyss in the stormy seas
the waves crushing the tranquil exterior of phlegmatic shores
the solemn oath of the lonely tree to keep stretching towards light
the brazen laziness of the placid sun
and when you asked humility to captivate your soul
I laid the path for you, to retrieve a thousand old souls

I showed you faces, I showed you people,
I showed you hearts that laid down their deepest passions
I let you see , the beauty behind those faces
I let you see the stoic journeys behind the reticent smiles
and when you gave compassion a voice
you endeavoured to seek beyond me

I would uncover myself bit by bit, if you only ask for more
for I seek what you're seeking for
then why dont you trust me, why does your heart look for reassurance
why does it look for familiar grounding
when your eyes search for endlessly changing horizons?
why do you glance behind
looking for the fading silhouette of what you once were
the charade of the once been's and the once had's

Follow me, let change survive
let the memories you hold dear
humble your every step
Follow me, let me lead
for there is so much to seek
so much to uncover,
the laughter , the joys , the sorrows and the tomorrows
wait for you on the other side
leap, leap with me..

I promise not an easy journey
I promise not to always make you smile
But I promise that the sagacity of thought shall prevail
the trials and tribulations are all a part of the plan
but I promise to make it worth the while

For this is not the end my child
change is certain
it would take a while
from now onwards you shall only move forward
and when you reconcile with this fact
I will be waiting for you on the other side...


Megha

Moments of misplaced emotions, emotions of misplaced moments

somewhere in my hallway

i hear footsteps approaching my door

the louder they get , the harder my heart beats

somebody calls out my name from across the hall

the voice echoes within the walls of my mind

trying to search for a familiarity, 

to put together the syllables to help me see that soul

but i can't discern the difference

if its u or not

slowly the vaguely familiar voice reaches the corners of my heart

the place that i keep hidden from the world

it triggers the memory of the dew eyed girl i keep concealed

under the shroud of maturity and composure 

but suddenly my heart stutters

to my surprise ,it skips a beat

my face comes to life

and my eyes gleam

i hear my name again 

and my heart plunges into a flurry of emotions

swirling twirling ,

crippling my poise 

reigniting my long lost self

is it destiny, de ja vu or memories from across time

i walk towards the door 

should i open it?

or should i wait a second longer

I'm walking on a thin line

the time draws on me

but i don't want to decide just yet

i want to stand across the door

make that voice flame my senses

and hear my name once again

I'm anxious to see the eyes that search for me, I'm nervous to find out more

should i just relish this moment in time

or should i open this door?

my heart softens, the dew eyed girl comes to the fore

it is in this moment she comes to life

if i could embody my emotions

if someone could personify what i feel

u would see

oh! you would so clearly see 

the difference between the surface and the inside

of how much i disguise , of how much i leave undisguised

of how much i drown the voice of my own heart

of how different i am than what appears ..

i delay the moment , purposely

i'm exhilarated and anxious in these moments trapped in time

time trapped between the sound of the syllables

the time when you stop to catch your breath

the time in which i can gather myself from the moment of delirium

while anxiously wishing ur still there

how , why, when..

are the words that perplex me

but i push the thoughts away

because I know the importance of this moment

across the hall

inches from me 

inches from my heart

freezing these moments in time

is the unfamiliar person with a familiar voice

but if you knew, if you only knew

the gravity in me, the brevity of this moment

you would stay …

i cannot fathom the saneness in this moment

of why the world stops and stares

its the way i feel right now

is all i really care

i don't now when reality would dawn

or when i get my composure back

i let my feeble spirit , that fragile girl over power

before lifes trivialities bring the coherence back

the veil would be up again, the world will seem the same again

till you come knocking back….

A very similar one to the previous one

My moments of creative outlet:

when the sun sets in, when my eyes are dim
when the clouds hover in the dark skies
when theres no connection in my world
when the footsteps resonate without any rhythm
when the speech is unvoiced
and the eyes are unexpressed
when the words are left standing in the air
and all movement stagnates
is when the mayhem sets in

when i close out the world, and the world closes in
im set in pace with contradiction
u invade my life , i push you out
u surrender , i run away
u evade, i scamper after you
u express , i object
i judge, i empathise, i fight, i concede
these are also the imperfections in me

i'm intrigued by the conflict within a paradox
the opposing ends mystify me
it brings out the two sides within
i like the blacks, i like the starch whites
i like the ignorant, i like the wise
i like the cynic , i like the pipe-dreamer
i like the delirious , i like the sober
im set in pace with contradiction
these are the two parts of me
i endure in their conflict
i'm contend in their harmony

In the ongoing conundrum, i feel a little bit lost
of where i belong
should i go to the left or a little bit to the right
for i dont know which is the true me
one acts and the other reacts
the crusader me or the maverick me

these brief reflections of self would never cease
and this conflict would always persist
for i am set in pace with contradiction now and forever...

My 'oxymoronic' or 'moronic' nature

My 'oxymoronic' or 'moronic' nature :

what is not enough , is always enough

what is enough, will never be sufficient 

is what i want , also what i need?

I was born with a dichotomous nature

so, the world told me to separate the virtues from the vices

to shine light on the right and shy away from the wrong

for one is exalted and the other is abhorred 

that one must be chosen above the other

but my rebellious disposition kept troubling my pensive mind 

isn't polarity the quintessence of nature

isn't the temperament embedded in our existence

what is rain without some sun

what is hail without some rainbows

what is grief without blissfulness

how do you state black without knowing white?

i concurred,

these anomalies co exist, support-strengthen the other

these contradictions exist, also inside of me

why doesn't the conflict between them

supersede the other

why does one win momentarily before loosing to the other

why doesn't the relentless disagreement explode within us

For what is love without a bit of hate

what is friendship without envy 

aren't they reflections of each other

aren't they the darkest friends and the whitest enemies?

aren't they cloaked connotations of the other

for one can't exist without the other

isn't love , a manifestation of hate 

ANd sometimes when I fail to find answers

i look for solace and peace outside 

and when i see the smoothening ripples on the ceaselessly flowing water

when i see the wind abrading the composed serene surface of water

the inner turmoil soothes at this sight

i see the harmonious discord everywhere around me 

then y should i choose one side 

y should i put lifes choices in separate boxes..

and not be free and very me ...

I was born with a dichotomous nature  

I choose not left nor right...

An escape from the shackles in my thoughts ...

do you see what i see
the clearness of thought
the unrestricted , open communion of reflection
of how the sluggish rays graze the water
how the petals caress the ripples
how the stream of light outlines the vulnerability of the water
how the sun accentuates the silhouette of the lone tree
how the flowers drape the cool breeze
how the sun rolls over the green facade
flowing with the water, the petals seem uninhibited in motion
As if the water determines their fate
and they drift away obliviously

Something in this place strikes a chord
brings the ebbing inspiration to life
it brings syllables to the surface of my mind
and i begin to weave them into words around this sight
it revives me from my deep slumber that i live in
the haze , that clouds my subconscious , that confines my perception
the haze that i call rationality
but when the mind opens to the richness of thought that is before me
I realize how exquisite life could be

Seems like I've been here before,
the familiarity astounds me
is it a deja vu or a distant memory
or are these flashes of some forgotten areas of my mind
like somebody wakes me up from a deep reverie
and im jolted back to consciousness
and in this conscious state, i feel integrated , i feel at home with this place around me

for now, its not the photos, its not the endless films that would trap this vision
it is the richness of mind , the sagacity of thought
the memory of which i keep in these words
it is my perception that i shall ensnare
and they shall remind me of how beautiful life is
if only i drop the veil of rationality from my sight.

Just me, by myself ...

Hellooozzz lovely people !!

Well I didnt have internet for sometime , so i couldn't study :) and had been studying the whole day .. so i thought hell! y not!.. lets do something I like, some me time ! so here it goes... putting my mind into words...
I dimmed the lights, made some tea... set the mood and started thinking of whats on my mind these days ... what is it that is worth pondering over...

Sitting amidst my sea of words, my comfort zone, the pillar behind my expression
i feel a barge of a million emotions coming through
but how do i put them into paper?
I know the depth behind the words i put on paper
but i sometimes think whether the words understand the strength of my emotion
how do i pick the right tenor to tell you how I feel?

sitting in the shallow darkness of my room
under the dimness of my rustic lamp
the light shines only in the spaces in my mind where i and only i dwell

I glance over on my words, amused
the unscrupulous 'g' , the timid 'i' reflect the light
 I wonder what they're hiding beneath
probably a flurry of my sentiments
to shield them from ever prying eyes
I look deeper into the obscure writing
to decipher , to disentangle the labyrinth of emotion
why i write ? what does it mean?
what does it tell about me ?
how would i describe myself ?

I conceive that ...

i'm a dreamer, i create
i'm human , i feel
i'm adventurous, i survive
i'm a traveller , i behold
i'm a writer, i reflect
i'm a dancer , i breathe
i'm an observer, i perceive
i'm passionate, i desire
i'm humane , i treasure
I'm a sum of all this , and a little bit more...

these moments of introspection, self reflection,
subjugation to the innermost, unbiased contemplation
is when i reveal my true self ...

all i want to be is real,
no pretence,  no hidden armour between Me and me
not a replica, not a conformist
not a hoax , not a mask
but just me, a place where i shall find myself
a place where i shall have all my answers
a place where i shall find peace.

My love for Kullu :)

Through my rain stained window
in the steamy quietness of my room
I see the city with a renewed perception
It has never looked so beautiful before
The shimmering lights illuminate the dark
As if the stars have descended on earth
contouring the mountain in sparkles

If my eyes were enough to capture this moment
if my memory could fixate the feeling to savour forever
the chubby sweetness of the fresh wind
the lazy frivolousness of the deceitful lime coloured sun
God has blessed me with a life and a heart that keeps me hoping for more

Will I ever come back to this place, to this moment
Or should I freeze it in time
do i deserve to know the answer
if life brings me back here i shall immerse myself in this profuse ambience
if not then let me hold on to this feeling a second longer
Let it enrich my memories
let it embed my future travels
let me learn how this place smells
this place that has given me a home

for now I have leapt forward
my mind wanders the world
with the hope of returning some day,
I have left , to see the world.

to spring!

in the stillness , i see you 

in the stoic solidarity of trees ... I feel your presence...

in the ethereal beauty of the approaching season... I see you

I rejoice their unvoiced exhilaration

i'm delirious in their inaudible euphoria

embellishing in their lusciousness for your welcome in auburn profuse

i feel you in the suns luminescence

underneath the dry crushed foliage

i see a promis sprout

In my vision, i envision...

a mesmerizing blue sky lit with soulful golden hues

I see the exuberance sprouting in green sweet nothings in tufts around me

Within my realm as i see it now...

in the auspicious stillness.... i see you

cant find a title

And somewhere in the hollow medley of broken voices,

ruptured hearts and punctuated silence

when the heart assuages between the fire and cold 

when the eyes pierce through the reflection in the mirror 

when the ominous reverie is broken 

when the scathing introspection is complete

when the perspective is sharper 

and the world becomes pellucid 

when the inward becomes emphatically discernible to the peripheral conscious 

and the mind becomes more profound

Is when my heart starts to beat again

more vibrantly , more passionately 

it reverberates unheard melodies to my ears

it strikes on unnamed chords 

it pirouettes on capricious grounds

and then I hear a promise spring

It makes me walk in a frenzy , the air seems delirious

its replete with the quintessence of a woman's heart

and i fathom that I have changed , i have metamorphosed 

and hence, I walk and walk , and I never want to stop now…

unfinished business!

A drop of honey mixed in dew...

my mornings many a few,

A hint of mint in my dreams,

as light & frothy my coffee could be,

so strange and stringent in my path,

I dunno how long I would last,

I try to begin a new step,

but lie down in my bed instead,

that is how i could be

lovely spirited and free.

 a speck of gold in my eye

a million fireflies guiding me by

the first day at home

sun rolling back its veil slowly

i feel the warmth on my face

missed this the most while i was away

the rays dance on my skin, revealing subtle secrets 

facets of light gliding down like diamonds in the river stream

i radiate from within, wear my heart on my sleeve today

i hope nobody wears me down today

i look for colored vibes within the labyrinth of grayish hues

i gravitate towards the most vibrant one

I feel different , i feel renewed… im a different person now

y should i conform …

desire to taste all flavors life holds in its abundance…

y should i get boggled down with what is expected out of me?

want to carry my life in a rucksack and explore within and outside…

yester years tedious routines, i now welcome openly

the monotony of tasks feels familiar and relaxing

how could it feel so good?

its therapeutic to my mind which surprises me 

but im happy till it lasts..

how many lives do i live in parallel simultaneously

how many times do i start over, how many lives do i leave behind..

my soul takes me wherever it wants to go

there is pleasure in the mundaneness of life… so intriguing…

set out , and discover new places, know myself more… 

movie star

She essays the role of a movie actress

she sways and swathes across the street

she enters the bar oblivious of the eyes that follow her

her scent lingers in the air she walks

i swoon in my seat while my eyes feast on her beauty

her translucent skin washes away all that is around her

her radiance marks her aura

all that is good in this world is embodied in her soul

her eyes betray her stance

she looks like a woman whose lived a thousand lives

but that adds to the enigma of this woman.

She would never give me another glance

I sit there with a pint in my hand and a scowl on my face

My world zillions of light years away from her

In the dust and heat ,i work all day

my hands coarse, my eyes bitter 

my sole entity an archetype of a spiteful man

how could she look at me

If only I could sear my heart and make her see

that I carry the heart of a youthful boy

all I have but love to give her

if only I could make her see

for years and years I've seen her passing through the same street

for years I've heard my heart skip a beat

i've worshipped the very ground she walks

blessed to breathe the air she breathes 

she left the city in the dew hours of the morning with a boy 

who was half the man the village people so told

but the pain that singed my heart 

was witness to the fire ablating my heart

I sat in the bar imprisoned by my tribulation

with a pint in  my hand and a scowl on my face

All that remains now is the carcass of her memory

An attempt

I sit down to write a poem…

unintelligible words rumbling off my head

trying to grope them in the air 

barely making a coherent sentence

still there 're stuck in my head

I try to think how many times does the inspiration hit me

to sit down to string a key of words

in the midst of a coffee ,sleepy eyes and my mundane nights

juggling through pretentious self proclaimed poets files

i make sense invade my head

to sit down to strew a string of words

i stare at my screensaver waiting for epiphanies to hit me

i've never done more soul searching more than now

so many insecurities,triumphs and memories to talk about

yet my mind chooses to stay numb

Procrastinating seems like a good word to start

whether to exercise it or utilize it

the agony of churning my brains to yield a rhyme 

makes me realize that my aspirations to produce a poem

have been spurned by this doggerel

but still i applaud at my attempt

such is the perplexity of a lazy mind..

unfinished

if i can capture the way this place looks like today

if i could freeze the picturesque beauty of this day

through my camera lens , i see life coming to a stand still

the bluest hue of the sky, the verdant tenor of the grass,

the mellifluous entwining of twittering 

the wind caressing the tips of proud blades of grass stretched towards the sun

winding them surreptitiously  in their delight

my love

my love abound..flows endlessly ..in your direction,,, do u feel it

rousing through my body like currents …

does it feel new, does it feel fresh

like a thousand pellets of raindrops the heaven bestows on us..

does it feel like a rush of blood to ur face

wind rustles through ur hair…whispers my name in ur ear

does it feel like mine, does it titillate my memory...

do you feel my caress when the wind cradles you

my love abound… weaves intricate secrets in my heart…

makes me blush when i think of u 

my heart sings a rhythm alien to me

does it feel like me ...

ur hands… fathom the surge of emotions through me…

is it me or somebody new

my love abound … draws me to u 

ur eyes bewitch me, can't move, I can't breathe

i breathe in the air i'm not acquainted with… coz its not awashed with u

i flow with the love that emanates from within

it gushes and rushes me 

I walk in a reverie to see you

when u see me,when u feel me

i will remain the same….for you

but i cnt control cascading with the wind….

it drapes me, takes me along

it breaks the semblance of my soul

it plays a melancholic harmony ..tugs at my dormant heart strings

my heartbeat dances on an unfamiliar tune..

my love abound… flows in ur direction… do u feel it….does it hold u still??

see me… open ur eyes, im the same but just new…

touch me once again, im here infront of u …

u find the banalities of life tedious…

I live in that moment just to look at you

in the monochrome of empty promises, ur words still enamor me

Just one more time, hold me near ,touch my soul

my love abound … i am the same 

the road..

often followed the road that does not reveal itself

it just takes you along plays with ur path

i have followed one all my life knowing ill reach somewhere 

but this time i don't know if i should have taken one

 it twists and turns so much 

that i can't keep up with the swaying tandem

its hard to keep track of where i've been 

when i have always been focussed on where to go..

trying to look back in the footsteps where i got lost and where i found a way

to give assurance to my pulsating heart

that i will reach the end of this one some day

this road has taken me to so many places that the familiar feels unfamiliar , home doesn't feel like home,

unexpected unknown places feel strangely familiar

i solicit unknown faces ..because the past can be lost in the newness of faces

there is solace nowhere , i hope i find it here

yet i want this road to keep taking me along

because the past can be forgotten in the newness of places

the un-forgotten can be forgotten

the promise of the road lights my soul

cause i don't want to look behind anymore

take me home, take me somewhere where i can find home,

what is lost was meant to be lost… 

what will come along will be accepted

for i don't want this journey to end this soon

cause the promise of the road lights my soul

till the road ends i shall look for home 

take me somewhere that i will call home

some more

does the heart stop to start again..

does the mind stop to think again

moments treasured in time keep unfolding again and again…

my heart starts beating again…

the lock to these memories opens every now and then..

does the heart stop to feel again

does life stop to start again

my life races forward, years pass by..living never ceases

but my mind races backwards… while my soul waits in the mayhem

peeling my yester years off my skin , locking memories from the past 

why doesn't life halt and start again..

people say its a changing world ..but have i changed?

even in the darknes ,in the stillness..my mind thinks of the past

freedom of thought of living has always come at a cost..

but where does all this stop .. when can i breathe again...

does the mind die … to begin again…

a barrage of memories flood through the thresholds of patience and composure..

do they empty the basins of my mind to fill again..

absurd is the human mind , never ceases ,never moves forward

nevee rests, never stays in peace… destroys yet rebuilds..

i wonder how will i be when patched together again

My old poems

In the midst of a stormy night, I see a flickering light
A staggering sight in the midst of a stormy night 
My tempestuous soul breathes finally 

in the cacophony of the gusty wind 
it stands, recluse in a stoic silence
to unobservant eyes
but i do see it, i do feel it 
i see it battling ,
I see my reflection, i feel liberated

it burns my cocoon, it frees my spirit
i see the world in its unmasked form
my spirit is whisked away by glories this world has to offer
but i stay enamored by this adversary i met on this stormy night

no matter how many journeys I set sail to
no matter how many seasons pass by
I shall return to this place
For this is what has defined me
this is where it all began.