Friday, June 28, 2013

the little reassurances that you need...

In the milieu of the ongoing conundrum,
the racket, and the pandemonium
i looked back at life for reassurance
and life beckoned me

and when i reached the cross roads yet again
when the past seems dear and the future seems befuddled
and when taking a step ahead or back
is moving away from the other
I looked back at life for reassurance
and life beckoned me

when the glorious years, and times spent with loved ones end
when you realize that besides that suitcase, you have no perpetual friend
the heart singes when a change is realised
I looked back at life for reassurance
and life beckoned me

life said ...
there is yet another blue sky
there is yet another less travelled path to be explored
you loved, you lost, you sang, you drowned
but you told courage not to be shy
and hence , I showed you me, I showed you different facets of life

I shall see you once more
this is not the end my sweet one
it is the beginning of the beginnings to be foretold
and when you silently prayed for amazement to titillate
I opened a lot more doors

I showed you the bluest skies
the inconceivable abyss in the stormy seas
the waves crushing the tranquil exterior of phlegmatic shores
the solemn oath of the lonely tree to keep stretching towards light
the brazen laziness of the placid sun
and when you asked humility to captivate your soul
I laid the path for you, to retrieve a thousand old souls

I showed you faces, I showed you people,
I showed you hearts that laid down their deepest passions
I let you see , the beauty behind those faces
I let you see the stoic journeys behind the reticent smiles
and when you gave compassion a voice
you endeavoured to seek beyond me

I would uncover myself bit by bit, if you only ask for more
for I seek what you're seeking for
then why dont you trust me, why does your heart look for reassurance
why does it look for familiar grounding
when your eyes search for endlessly changing horizons?
why do you glance behind
looking for the fading silhouette of what you once were
the charade of the once been's and the once had's

Follow me, let change survive
let the memories you hold dear
humble your every step
Follow me, let me lead
for there is so much to seek
so much to uncover,
the laughter , the joys , the sorrows and the tomorrows
wait for you on the other side
leap, leap with me..

I promise not an easy journey
I promise not to always make you smile
But I promise that the sagacity of thought shall prevail
the trials and tribulations are all a part of the plan
but I promise to make it worth the while

For this is not the end my child
change is certain
it would take a while
from now onwards you shall only move forward
and when you reconcile with this fact
I will be waiting for you on the other side...


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Moments of misplaced emotions, emotions of misplaced moments

somewhere in my hallway
i hear footsteps approaching my door
the louder they get , the harder my heart beats
somebody calls out my name from across the hall
the voice echoes within the walls of my mind
trying to search for a familiarity, 
to put together the syllables to help me see that soul
but i can't discern the difference
if its u or not
slowly the vaguely familiar voice reaches the corners of my heart
the place that i keep hidden from the world
it triggers the memory of the dew eyed girl i keep concealed
under the shroud of maturity and composure 

but suddenly my heart stutters
to my surprise ,it skips a beat
my face comes to life
and my eyes gleam
i hear my name again 
and my heart plunges into a flurry of emotions
swirling twirling ,
crippling my poise 
reigniting my long lost self

is it destiny, de ja vu or memories from across time
i walk towards the door 
should i open it?
or should i wait a second longer
I'm walking on a thin line
the time draws on me
but i don't want to decide just yet
i want to stand across the door
make that voice flame my senses
and hear my name once again
I'm anxious to see the eyes that search for me, I'm nervous to find out more
should i just relish this moment in time
or should i open this door?

my heart softens, the dew eyed girl comes to the fore
it is in this moment she comes to life
if i could embody my emotions
if someone could personify what i feel
u would see
oh! you would so clearly see 
the difference between the surface and the inside
of how much i disguise , of how much i leave undisguised
of how much i drown the voice of my own heart
of how different i am than what appears ..

i delay the moment , purposely
i'm exhilarated and anxious in these moments trapped in time
time trapped between the sound of the syllables
the time when you stop to catch your breath
the time in which i can gather myself from the moment of delirium
while anxiously wishing ur still there
how , why, when..
are the words that perplex me
but i push the thoughts away
because I know the importance of this moment
across the hall
inches from me 
inches from my heart
freezing these moments in time
is the unfamiliar person with a familiar voice
but if you knew, if you only knew
the gravity in me, the brevity of this moment
you would stay …

i cannot fathom the saneness in this moment
of why the world stops and stares
its the way i feel right now
is all i really care
i don't now when reality would dawn
or when i get my composure back
i let my feeble spirit , that fragile girl over power
before lifes trivialities bring the coherence back
the veil would be up again, the world will seem the same again

till you come knocking back….

Sunday, June 2, 2013

A very similar one to the previous one

My moments of creative outlet:

when the sun sets in, when my eyes are dim
when the clouds hover in the dark skies
when theres no connection in my world
when the footsteps resonate without any rhythm
when the speech is unvoiced
and the eyes are unexpressed
when the words are left standing in the air
and all movement stagnates
is when the mayhem sets in

when i close out the world, and the world closes in
im set in pace with contradiction
u invade my life , i push you out
u surrender , i run away
u evade, i scamper after you
u express , i object
i judge, i empathise, i fight, i concede
these are also the imperfections in me

i'm intrigued by the conflict within a paradox
the opposing ends mystify me
it brings out the two sides within
i like the blacks, i like the starch whites
i like the ignorant, i like the wise
i like the cynic , i like the pipe-dreamer
i like the delirious , i like the sober
im set in pace with contradiction
these are the two parts of me
i endure in their conflict
i'm contend in their harmony

In the ongoing conundrum, i feel a little bit lost
of where i belong
should i go to the left or a little bit to the right
for i dont know which is the true me
one acts and the other reacts
the crusader me or the maverick me

these brief reflections of self would never cease
and this conflict would always persist
for i am set in pace with contradiction now and forever...

My 'oxymoronic' or 'moronic' nature

My 'oxymoronic' or 'moronic' nature :

what is not enough , is always enough
what is enough, will never be sufficient 
is what i want , also what i need?
I was born with a dichotomous nature
so, the world told me to separate the virtues from the vices
to shine light on the right and shy away from the wrong
for one is exalted and the other is abhorred 
that one must be chosen above the other
but my rebellious disposition kept troubling my pensive mind 

isn't polarity the quintessence of nature
isn't the temperament embedded in our existence
what is rain without some sun
what is hail without some rainbows
what is grief without blissfulness
how do you state black without knowing white?

i concurred,
these anomalies co exist, support-strengthen the other
these contradictions exist, also inside of me
why doesn't the conflict between them
supersede the other
why does one win momentarily before loosing to the other
why doesn't the relentless disagreement explode within us

For what is love without a bit of hate
what is friendship without envy 
aren't they reflections of each other
aren't they the darkest friends and the whitest enemies?
aren't they cloaked connotations of the other
for one can't exist without the other
isn't love , a manifestation of hate 

ANd sometimes when I fail to find answers
i look for solace and peace outside 
and when i see the smoothening ripples on the ceaselessly flowing water
when i see the wind abrading the composed serene surface of water
the inner turmoil soothes at this sight

i see the harmonious discord everywhere around me 
then y should i choose one side 
y should i put lifes choices in separate boxes..
and not be free and very me ...
I was born with a dichotomous nature  
I choose not left nor right...