Thursday, October 17, 2013

Fleeting musings

Come walk with me
into the morning sun
where the dew drops, matted over the green canvas
palliate our roughened souls

Come stay with me
through day in and night
I didn't ask for a love sonnet
I didn't ask for a flowery bed
just stay,
till all the insecurities wash away

come hold my hand
firmly, steadily
hold me through that traitorous road
I can make it through on my own
but I just want to know, you were right behind

Look into my eyes deeply
and let me see that you understand my soul
for I want you to know me
in those moments when I don't know myself

Be kind to me, as I have been to you
I have a soft soul behind those high gates
I let you in,
I let you see all the vulnerabilities in me
Let me breathe in the space I gave you, peacefully

Lie with me, in the moment that is so mine
on lonely meadows, perched atop an undulated topography
under that solitary tree,
revelling in the sun's filtered rays
in the wind that mixes your scent with my headiness
yes, my moment, this moment
that is so ephemeral that it shall last forever

as the sun bids adieu, so shall you
today,  tomorrow or somewhere in the receding horizon
i shall be happy enough
to capture a bit of your soul
I will keep it between my wistful sheets
in longing memory of what
it could have been.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

To my grandfather ...

I watched you every morning
when you dressed,
when you exercised, when you met people
when you worked day in and day out
I saw what your work meant to you
I saw how your people revered you
Despite the adulation, you were humble and unyielding
I was in awe with you then , I am even now
I was 5, and you were an important man.

I wish I had known you as my grandfather,
I wish you had time 
in the some moments that you were there
I wish I was not that shy.

I grew up looking upto you
with every obstacle I ever faced in life
with every condescending look, with every demeaning word every said
I thought of you, 
of your strength to face a nation
of your conviction of your work
of your will to fight back
that made me go on
that has defined who I am today
With every challenge I would say
my grandfather did it, so will I.

People say I have a lot of strength
I'm a maverick, I'm bold
people say I have the courage to go off the beaten track
I have always known where that came from
from the life you've led 
from the person you are
I never wanted to let you down 
and hence , I carried on 
I always, always braved the storm.

People follow inspirational figures
people they have never known
I never had to look far 
because I always had you
You were always proud of me
I just wanted to make you even prouder 
and hence I worked and worked, 
and the day I found my salvation was 
when you said " I see myself in you".

Endlessly, the world has shackled you
the world has been unfair 
you have been unfair to a lot of people
you've lost a lot, gained very less in life 
but its that man in you who still holds onto life
holds onto his true self
holds on to his core strength
has always amazed me
I have never met another being like yourself

On occasions you have looked past me
on occasions I probably didn't matter
but despite of everything grand dad
you have been my defining force in life
and I know, you have never known that

I may never tell you this 
but I love you every bit
I've always drawn strength from you 
I have never seen you falter
that is the memory I wish to keep forever.

No matter what happens next or 
what people say 
how people perceive you 
or how they try to dissect your life in my eyes
the memory of you, your life, your courage, your strength 
are etched in my mind forever
that is my own personal stash of strength
You may never know how much you have made me
but I'd like you to know 
that you're my grand father first
and the rest doesn't matter at all.

With whatever life would hit me 
I know I will face it 
because I have your blood running in my veins
because I am Your grand daughter.


Friday, October 4, 2013

Looking back to see how far i've come ..

                                                       Connecting dots in retrospect
or dots connecting by themselves ...
am i leading my time
or is time leading me
slowly and steadily i uncover the hidden path
wondering where it shall lead
or where I lead it eventually

the clock ticks by
time rides on tides
sometimes washing ashore, breaking into my conscious
sometimes leaving my space
letting me live in my moments
times been an ally, i knew not
it passed by on occasions
on occasions it just stood still
witnessing silently , my emotions flow

theres a smile lingering at the back of my mind
the memory of it dangles in the air 
suffuses me with renewed freshness
it half reaches my lips
it half fades away with the memory of it
I willingly succumb to my self-effacing mind 

In the midst of the melody of  synchronised unsavoury voices
my heart plays an irregular tune 
my eyes look skyward
my ears turn within 
I keep trying to discern 
the inexplicable stirring happening within me
i try to wrap my head around what it could possibly be
but I guess
the heart has its reasons, that reasons know not.

I feel heady today , my heart knows why 
the air is intoxicating and the clouds are shy
I'm at the threshold of the reason of my very existence 
I've worked all my life
to achieve that picture of me 
in the heart of hearts
this mental picture never got lost, in the seasons come and gone
no one can ever take that away from me
because I have become, I have come into my being

I've been searching all my life for that place I've longed for
my realm , my universe
it is ready besides me today, to set me free
the breeze blows through my hair
whispers gently in my ear , 
'you're here, you're finally here'

And now, I follow the path covered with shrubs of uncertainty
a thorn here, a flower there
this is how I chose life to be
drenched with ambiguity, excitement and with heart wrenching beauty
for the journey I chose , and the journey I led so far
has always made every step worth it
I have to keep going on
to be true to myself
to uncover what is left to be uncovered
to see what is left to be seen
to find, what is left of me.